


never see you again

by sidetrackedandoverlapped



Series: van mccann series [1]
Category: Catfish and the Bottlemen (Band)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Mild Smut, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-26
Updated: 2019-09-26
Packaged: 2020-10-28 13:47:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20779580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sidetrackedandoverlapped/pseuds/sidetrackedandoverlapped
Summary: you planned on never seeing van mccann ever again





	never see you again

“Fuck no. Please god no.” You paced back and forth, trying to walk out your anxiety and despair. You tried to shake the trembles of your hands away and pursed your lips to stop the tears from flowing. You didn’t even know if you had a reason to be scared. In fact, you still had two minutes left of ignorant bliss. Looking at your phone, you frowned. One minute.

“I have to ask, if you are… you know, is _he _responsible?” Your best friend sat idle on the edge of the bathtub, face pale and hands tightly clasped together. You couldn’t answer Natalie. The alarm on your phone sounded and you let it play out. You were so busy trying to level your breathing while staring at the little piece of plastic sitting on the basin. It felt like eternity before you inched over and slowly turned over the pregnancy test. Two lines.

“Fuck.”

+++

Flashback to two months ago, you had been at a gig. Catfish and the Bottlemen were playing a show at your local venue so you and a couple of mates decided to make a night out of it. The show was great, and you couldn’t help but fall in love with the lead singer. The way he bounced around and stared into the crowd was hypnotizing but after the show, you fell back to reality and soon enough you were half drunk at a bar with the group and he was a distant memory. Until he was sitting next to you with his band.

“Guys this is Catfish! Found em’ at the bar and thought I’d invite em’ over.” Natalie was sitting on top of the man you recognised as the guitarist. Only because of the hat. Everyone was introduced and soon enough you were laughing and yelling like old friends.

“Aren’t you tired?” You looked at Van who had ended up wrapping an arm around your shoulder, cutting everyone from intruding on your private conversation. He had leaned down to talk and even in the dim pub lights, you could still make out a hundred freckles coating his face and ridiculously blue eyes.

“The night’s only beginning love.” His eyes twinkled and you could tell what he meant behind his words. The band invited those who hadn’t left back to the hotel room they were staying at and Van piggybacked you the whole way. He stared at you like you were the greatest thing he had ever seen and were high off the attention. Everyone danced and drunk in the lounge of the luxurious hotel they were staying at upon arrival, and you didn’t hesitate as Van led you away privately.

“Perks of being the singer is you always get the biggest room.” He winked as he opened his door. You wrapped an arm around his waist and followed him onto his private balcony. Overlooked your hometown, Van lit a cigarette and pulled you closer to his body. Without a second thought, you buried yourself into him as much as possible.

“Fuck your hot.” You mumbled into black button-up shirt. He began snickering and you rolled your eyes in embarrassment. You had meant temperature wise. Or maybe appearance wise too?

“You should see how hot I am when my clothes are off.” He pulled back just to make sure your saw his attempt at a wink then buried his nose in your hair.

“Where do you work?” He questioned. You snorted into his chest before peaking up with a humourous smirk.

“Did you really sneak me into your room just to small talk?” As you talked, you ran your hand through his hair and pushed it back. It was soft and thick and you couldn’t wait to tug it later.

“I’ll have you know, Y/N Y/L/N, I may have fallen so deeply in love with you tonight that I want to know everything about you so I can tell my mum that I finally found a bird.” He tried to keep a straight face but you both laughed.

“Finish your cigarette McCann. I want to see how hot you are under these clothes.” He didn’t end up finishing the cigarette, and instead dropped it the second the sentence left your mouth.

“Yes Ma’am.” He whispered before leaning down. His kiss was intoxicating, and you pulled him as close as possible while standing a top your toes. You were tall but he still managed to tower over you. Your shirt lifted slightly, and he took the opportunity to run his hand along your bare hip, goosebumps erupting at his touch. He slowly stepped back without breaking the kiss and led you to the king size bed in the middle of the room. Neither of you bothered to shut the balcony door, too engrossed in one another to care. You slid your hands down from his neck and played around with the top button of his shirt. Ever so slowly you unbuttoned each one until you were able to push the material off his shoulders.

“I’m going to kiss every fucking freckle you have Van McCann.” You whispered at the sight of scattered freckles across his shoulders.

“I’m going to kiss every part of you possible Y/N Y/L/N.” He whispered back before moving to kiss your neck. In no time, you where both bare and holding on to each other as if your life depended on it. You swore you had never felt this good and couldn’t stop yourself from crying out. Van seemed just as enthralled as he stuck to the mission of kissing every possible part of you the whole night. It wasn’t until you were both lying next to each other, panting in the middle of the ruffled bed, that someone spoke again.

“We’re staying around for two more shows. Will you take me sightseeing?” He turned to face you and didn’t lose eye contact as he placed a gentle kiss on your shoulder. The white curtain gentle flowing in the wind behind this beautiful man and the stars twinkling over his shoulder made this feel like a scene from a movie. You wanted nothing more than to say yes. You craved the idea of holding his hand tomorrow and never letting it go again. To walk through your city with this Rockstar on your arm. But when you said grinned and said “of course”, you knew it was an empty promise. Van McCann was a famous musician and you were nothing more than a university graduate with no plan of the future. You were plain in every way possible and Van was a star who needed someone exciting and beautiful to show him the town. At least that’s what you told yourself when you collected all your stray possessions scatted around your room and crept to the door in the early hours of the morning. You stole one more glance at Van’s peaceful form before you left, and you almost dropped everything and curled back beside him. He was so beautiful with the sun slowly rising over his naked back and his hair seemed to glow in the rays of light. The mirror beside the door, however, caught your eye and your appearance was a little worse for wear. After that, there was no more hesitation and you walked home with not a single hope of ever seeing Van McCann again.

+++

“You’ve got to see Van again.” You groaned at the statement and threw yourself onto your bed. Natalie had been following you around for a week after the pregnancy revelation, begging you to make contact with Van.

“Fuck off.” You groaned into the pillow and felt the tears spring up that seemed to always appear when you thought too much about your current condition.

“Y/N that’s the father. He deserves to know.” You shook your head and tried to sniff away the tears.

“I’m sure every person that sleeps with him tries to say they’re pregnant with his baby. No, I can do this myself. I have mum and dad, and you. He doesn’t need to know.” You weren’t stupid. Van had told you he had just started the biggest tour of his career that night. Even if he did believe you, he’d probably hate the idea of a child at this point in time. Natalie looked at her phone for a minute before taking a deep breath.

“I’m having some friends over tonight. You should come and sit with us. Take your mind off everything.” You didn’t register the guilt in her eyes and simply turned your back to her with a sniff. She sighed and you waited until she had exited the room before you began sobbing again. You cried yourself to sleep and it wasn’t until four hours later that you woke up and shuffled out of bed. You could hear voices softly from the loungeroom and you ignored them. You just wanted to pee and go back to crying. The only bathroom was occupied, however, and you were forced to wait outside it against the wall.

“How long is your break again?” You heard Natalie question from around the corner. You picked your nails until the voice replied and you almost threw up.

“Just a month. But I missed ya and thought I’d come and check in. Also, Van won’t leave me alone about getting your friend’s number, so I just told him I’d bring him.” You recognised Bondy’s voice instantly because it had definitely been the loudest the whole night. Natalie had told you the night after they had slept together but she never told you they were still talking. Putting two and two together, you tried to stumble back from the bathroom, but the door swung open. You were exposed to Van’s gaze and you almost crumbled as he grinned.

“Y/N! Wondering where you had been hiding.” He noticed the look of shock on your face and began shifting uneasily.

“Sorry to just drop in. I told Nat she probably shouldn’t make it a surprise, but she said you’d like it. How have you… Are you okay?” He cut himself off as he watched you lean into the wall for support. Pushing past him, you dropped to your knees and emptied your stomach into it. Van’s cool hands brushed against your neck and he lifted your hair away.

“Am I really that revolting?” He tried to joke but your only response was another heave. Afterwards you flushed and slumped against the bath beside you.

“Can you put some toothpaste on the red toothbrush please?” Your voice cracked and you couldn’t bear to open your eyes and see his face. A minute later, you felt him push the toothbrush into your mouth and his soft laugh echoed through the bathroom. You were to exhausted to move and let him brush your teeth before he lifted you up so you could spit in the sink.

“Guess this is what it’s going to feel like when I have a kid.” You tried to laugh at how ill timed that joke turned out to be but instead you sobbed. He quickly pulled you into his chest and rocked you.

“Hey, it’s alright. We all get sick lass.” You pushed against him and quickly stormed out, ready to scream at Natalie. How dare she do this without telling you? You burst into the lounge room with a very confused Van hot on your heels but all you found was a piece of paper.

_Bondy and I catching movie. Be home late. I know you angry. I’m sorry. He had to know._

Van read out the letter slowly and you watched his eyebrows squish together.

“What are you doing here Van?” You whispered. His confusion didn’t leave his face as he walked off to the kitchen. When he returned, he had a bouquet of roses in his grip.

“Um well, these are for you. I, ah, you weren’t there when I woke up.” He stumbled over his words as he handed them to you. Another tear fell from you eye as you studied the flowers. The gesture was sweet and if circumstances where different you’d be blushing like mad.

“I had to go.”

“You said you’d take me sightseeing.”

“I’m sure you found another girl the next night to take you ‘sightseeing’.” You threw the roses on the table and dragged yourself to the kitchen. Mood swings and vomit seemed to be the only thing this pregnancy gave you.

“No, I kept looking for you the next night. I sorta hoped you’d be at the show.” He followed you into the kitchen and watched as you reached for a jar of olives in your fridge. You were never a particular fan of the food before, but these past two months had you craving them non-stop.

“I don’t have that type of money.” You mumbled before shovelling five into your mouth. He laughed in shock at your almost comical meal before pursing his lips.

“I would have let you in if you had stayed.”

“Shouldn’t you be touring? Or recording? Or finding some other girl to warm your bed?” You glared at him and automatically felt horrible as he sunk into himself like a wounded puppy.

“Van I’m… I’m sorry.” You whispered. You finally put your snack down and he hesitantly wrapped his arms around you.

“This is going to sound very sappy and I’m sorry in advance.” Van coughed before continuing. “This lifestyle, it’s a lot. I’m always moving and flying around or singing and drinking and I… when I met you, I don’t know. It was like you… I just started imagining settling down for even a second. On the balcony… when it was just us, it was peaceful. I haven’t felt at ease in five years and I know this is a lot and I’m not asking you to marry me just…”

“I’m pregnant.” You sobbed into his chest and what was meant to be a very romantic proposal of a date was cut short. You felt his body stiffen and he had a sharp intake of breath. He stayed quiet for almost a minute, just holding your sobbing form close.

“W…What?” He finally stuttered.

“I’m pregnant.”

“Are you sure?” You nodded.

“Is it mine?”

“I’m sure.” You nodded. You lightly pushed against him and wrapped your arms around yourself while putting distance between the two of you.

“I know it’s not great timing and you… Van you don’t have to do anything. I have a good support circle and my family are already planning how to look after me. You can act like this never happened and go on being a Rockstar and I’m so fucking sorry for not buying that stupid pill the next morning and I know it’s yours, but you don’t need to worry about us. I don’t even know if I’m going to keep it but….”

“Shhh Y/N stop.” Van quickly leapt forward and grabbed your shoulders. He bent down to look you in the eye but you kept your head down.

“I’m so sorry.” You cried.

“Look at me.” He reached under your chin and slowly pushed up, so you had no choice to look at him. He was crying and his beautiful blue eyes seemed to be even bluer.

“Van I’m…”

“Shhhhh. My turn to talk. This baby, our baby, is going to be so fucking spoilt. You’re right the timing isn’t right, but it couldn’t have come at a better time for me. I… I haven’t been happy for a while now. All I have ever dreamed about is having a big family and I was planning on wooing you a little longer but oh well. We’ll have to fall in love as we go. I’m going to look after this baby for the rest of my life and I’m going to look after you too. And even if we don’t fall in love, we are still going to have this baby and love it so fucking much. You’re going to be okay. I’m going to be okay… we’re going to be okay.” He sobbed most of the speech and you started sobbing even harder.

“Oh god Van.” You cried. He wrapped a hand behind your neck and you both moved to each other’s lips in sync. You kissed him hard, not knowing what to say and he kissed you harder back.

“I have some photos from the ultrasound.” You whispered as you pulled back. He nodded eagerly and for the second time in your life, you let Van McCann lead you to a bed. He propped himself against the headboard as you fished the envelope from the draw beside it.

“I have to tell my ma.” He mumbled, looking out the window with the ghost of a smile on his lips. You cautiously sat on the edge of the bed, suddenly feeling self-conscious and gave it to him with shaking hands.

“I went two days ago. They said everything looks good and healthy and all that.” He inhaled and blinked away more tears.

“Good. Good. No, great. Great.” His hands were shaking too. You went to look at your lap and Van made a chocked noise of protest.

“Come here… please.” He reached out and you slowly let yourself fall into his open embrace. The envelope was slowly peeled back and his breathing trembled. He began crying again as he gazed at the ultrasound and let out a chocked laugh.

“That’s’ my baby.” He shook his head in disbelief before placing his hand on your stomach.

“No… that’s our baby.” He corrected himself. You smiled for the first time in what felt like years.

“Yeah, our baby.”


End file.
